


Time Travel Isn't Fun When You Have Anxiety

by sourcherries-and-prettywords (parileegoose)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Anxiety Attacks, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, this was probably a bad idea, treebros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 14:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11232744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parileegoose/pseuds/sourcherries-and-prettywords
Summary: Evan woke to find himself hanging from a branch.In a tree.40 ft off the ground.And then, before he could stop and think about what the fuck just happened, his hand slipped. This time, he did fall. Evan almost laughed when he hit the ground, arm first.





	Time Travel Isn't Fun When You Have Anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what this is. But there is a Little Shop of Horrors reference.

     With each view added to the video, the tornado of dread planted inside Evan Hansen’s stomach grew exponentially larger, successfully disintegrating the usual butterflies with extreme gusts of woe.  

     He fucked up.

     He absolutely, positively, 1000000% fucked up. How could he let himself do this? 

     He had made the life of some dead guy, he didn’t really know, into a fabricated tale to what? Boost himself up the social ladder? Have the family and girl of his dreams?  _ I just wanted to help!  _ The little voice of reason tried to shout, but it was easily drowned out by the monstrous anxiety he was now facing.

     His knuckles turned white as he gripped the sides of his laptop, desperately trying to ground himself. He was finding himself unable to both breath and concentrate on his mess at the same time. If he’s lucky, he might just die of asphyxiation.  

_Failure. Burden. Deadweight. Connor was right, I’m a fucking freak who’d rather lie than face my own pathetic reality._ _Everything would be better if I was gone. If I had waited just a little longer before letting go, been a little higher up._

     His vision blurred with either the rush of his anxiety attack or the wave of tears flowing from his eyes. Probably both.

     He tried to calm his breathing, counting backwards from one thousand by seven, listening to  far off sounds somewhere in the distance. Everything his therapist had told him to do. None of it worked. And, honestly, he wasn’t sure he’d want it to. 

_      I deserve this. Maybe if I die now, some other poor loser will come comfort my mom with some amazing lie about me. That’s what I deserve. I probably deserve worse. Connor definitely deserved much better. I wish I could go back and take his place. Or just stop him.  _

     Little did he know, that a strange phenomenon was soon to take place. You see, in the mix of his tearful mental breakdown, there just so happened to be a spontaneous unforeseen total eclipse of the sun. And, as the moon has the earth completely shaded in a blanket of darkness, the laptop’s wiring started strangely malfunctioning. He felt an electric shock travel through his white knuckled hands, up his arms, down his spine, to his feet, then back to his brain all within a millisecond. 

     It’s all very exciting. Or traumatic. Or both. 

     He doesn’t have time to consider which before falling into darkness.

* * *

 

     Evan woke to find himself hanging from a branch. 

     In a tree. 

     40 ft off the ground. 

     And then, before he could stop and think about what the fuck just happened, his hand slipped.  This time, he did fall. Evan almost laughed when he hit the ground, arm first.

* * *

 

     Evan ended up lying in the same position for at least an hour. Although the pain was brutal, his internal crisis was undeniably worse, because  _ what the fuck just happened?  _

_      I remember having an anxiety attack, then everything got dark. I probably just blacked out and casually went to try and kill myself in the same tree as last time...which is 40 minutes away from my house. Did I drive while passed out?  _

     Of course, the thought of time travel did come up multiple times, but that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?  _ Honestly, any reason would be ridiculous, so why not? Oh right, because that would be impossible. Stupid. Pathetic. Worthle- _

     The sky above him  has become much darker than when he first landed. So, Evan decides since no one’s coming, and trying to jump to his death without the ability to climb to a fatal height won’t be very productive, to get up.

     Looking down at himself Evan realizes that he’s wearing his old Park Ranger uniform.  _ Why is this stupid uniform necessary for my blacked out plan to jump from the tree of death? Jesus Christ, my subconscious is weird. How am I going to explain this to Mom? Or, the people at the ER? Everyone’s gonna think I’m crazy. Maybe they’ll send me to the psych ward? Good I hope they do, that’s where all the failures go anyway... not that everyone in a psych ward is a failure. GoddamnitEvanyou’resuchafuckingjerk- _

     His phone dings. A text from his mom.

     Mom- Hey honey! Hoping you had a good day at your big park ranger job today! Suzie called in sick so I have to take her shift and won’t be back until late. 

     Mom-There’s money on the counter for takeout. Luv U <3

_      Time travel it is then.  _

 


End file.
